Tag Archives: The Optimist Audio Radio Things

The Optimist Audio Radio Things

In 2009, I got it into my head to record a bunch of short audio pieces for local radio shows (The Bill Dwight Show and LiberalOasis) and The Public Radio Exchange. I thought it could be an interesting marriage of two interests of mine: audio recording and writing (it was). I also hoped the radio pieces could be a multimedia counterpart to The Optimist—a way of reusing the same material to reach a different audience with a different format (didn’t quite work out that way). (more…)

Cultural Vampirism, aka Hipsters Are Vampires

White culture’s re-appropriation of black culture has been well-documented, but less discussed is the white mainstream’s tendency to swipe from within its own counterculture. These mainstream vampiric whiteys, known as Hipsters, will absorb any subcultural artifact that can be fashionably consumed. (more…)

BOARD, aka My Favorite Toy Growing Up Was A Small Plank Of Wood

A comic turned into a radio/podcast thing turned into a video. It’s about a plank of wood I used to play with when I was a kid.

Background music: an instrumental version of The Demographic’s This Broken Place. The story was originally written & drawn for a comic anthology called PLAY.

Listen to the audio version of this piece here: The Optimist Audio Radio Things


Technically not an Optimist thing, this baffling bit of police radio drama was recorded a decade or so ago by 2/3rds of The No-Shadow Kick: Tom Pappalardo and Drunk Santa himself, Mister Shawn Reynolds. This once-feared-lost audio scene has been unearthed and slightly edited, and it still doesn’t make a whole lot of sense. (2:28)

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Hear more dumb stuff like this: The Optimist Audio Radio Things

My Funeral, Your Trial

They say that funerals aren’t for the dead, they’re for the living. well screw that. here’s what I want:

I want to be put in the cheapest cardboard box allowed by law. caskets are ugly and stupid and a waste of money and a waste of WOOD. Cardboard is fine. Really. Chuck me in. I’ll live. ha-ha. My new corrugated home. Tape it up real good so nothing gross seeps out, like poop or my liquefied organs. You know, now that I think about it, maybe see if they have any wax-coated cardboard boxes. Might be worth the upgrade. Just… just tape it up real good. (more…)

Glass and Metal

I drive a 1981 two-tone blue Chevy Malibu Classic. I don’t usually let other people in my car and water leaks into the trunk so the bottom of my rear fenders are pretty rusted. The car has bad blind spots and a problem with the electrical system, but I think that’s because I hooked up my Realistic tape deck wrong. It doesn’t run well in cold weather. The car or the tape deck. Even if I didn’t have a Realistic tape deck, my car would still have blind spots. (more…)

Dear Shrieking Partisans

In which the author seeks common ground with his fellow man. – Please, let’s be cool to each other, maaaaan. This segment originally aired Jan. 30th on LiberalOasis on WHMP. (2:00)

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Grumpy Crankypants And His Magic Soapbox


A local newspaper I am not subscribed to occasionally tosses a ‘special’ or ‘extra’ supplement edition onto the end of my driveway or front lawn. Funny, but usually when a stranger throws UNWANTED crap on my property, it’s called littering. (more…)


I have a bad memory. My longtime friends will tell me stories about myself from our high school days, and I enjoy them as if they are about someone else. When I go to a restaurant I’ve been to many times before, I will forget what I like or dislike on the menu. Sometimes when I’m watching TV, I’ll start flipping around the channels during a commercial break, and I’ll forget what show I was watching (Admittedly, this might not be my memory’s fault—I watch some pretty forgettable crap). Ever get in the shower and wash your hair twice? Ever forget what street you parked your car on? Ever forget when your father died? I had to Google it. It was 2002. (more…)

Art Talk: Typography

In which the author sprains a ligature while superscripting this story – Have you ever wondered why people like me cringe when you show off your lousy inkjet-printed party invitation? The answer is TYPOGRAPHY! Learn to Kern! Become the Sheriff of Serifs! Behold the… uh, phallics of Italics. Maybe? Errr… ANYWAY, here is this instructive, uh, thing. (3:55)

Also on Funny Or Die

Listen to the audio-only version of this piece (and other dumb stuff) here: The Optimist Audio Radio Things.